When three smart trumpet boys from the Coast Guard Band get together to design some superior valve oils, they might do just that. And they did. This stuff is amazing. We highly recommend it. Thomas Brown, Joel Baroody, Chris Lane are the three. Nice job fellas.
Monster Oil - Original
Our original formula valve oil. Best application for all-around, hassle-free, quick-action, buttery-smooth, long-lasting use. Takes forever to evaporate. Hide your kids, put on your sunglasses---this is the Monster Oil that will change the world. Appropriate for every trumpet ever made. Far superior to anything on the market today. You're welcome.
Monster Oil - Faster
For you picky snobs who have brand spanking new close-tolerance valves, and are crazy enough to think that your fingers could possibly move faster than our "Original" formula is able to keep up with, this is the juice for you. So fast. So smooth. Still long-lasting. Still a great choice for any instrument.
Monster Oil - Smoother
Some folks like to oil their valves once a year and be done with it. We cannot condone such poor instrument maintenance habits. However, what we CAN recommend is Monster's "Smoother" oil--our heaviest oil formula appropriate for valves. Not only will you get the staying power that supports your lazier tendencies, you will get the smoothest action you've ever had from a valve oil. Have an older instrument with worn valves? This will make them behave nicely, and will help to seal the gap created between valve and casing due to your vast years of neglectful and abusive ownership practices. It's so smooth you will forget that your valves even exist. Look, just buy it.
Why Monster Oil?
Because it was developed by three professional trumpet players/nerds who know EXACTLY what they need in a valve oil. Monster Oil was tested over the course of a year with some of the best brass musicians on all different instruments. We've put in the extra time on this project because...well, because theoretical astrophysics bores us, we can only teach ourselves so many languages, and the Constitution forbids the three of us from being President at the same time. You work hard enough to play your instrument---we don't want you to have to think about whether your valve oil is going to work today. That's why.
Frequently Asked Questions
What’s different about Monster Oil? Why you, and not [insert famous brand]’s lubricant? Tell me some sciencey stuff.
The element that fundamentally sets us apart is our base oil. It’s the cleanest synthetic on the market and has been used in the aerospace and automotive industries as well as NASA for many years. We spent the last twelve months working with our supplier to achieve the best “cocktail” of ingredients we could find. As professional trumpet players who play every single day, part of our research involved using and evaluating this oil every time we picked up our horns until we were confident that it was perfect.
What's your stuff made with?
Our oil is about as simple as valve oil gets. You know how some ice creams have seven thousand ingredients, and some have four - and you think "that second one seems better for me somehow"? We're the second one. Here's what's in it:
The trick was finding the proper amounts and types of these ingredients – which we finally did! And if all that wasn’t enough: we are an all-American company – our oil, packaging, and Schwarzeneggeresque (it's a word, look it up) physiques are all made in the States.
Do you test this on animals?
We don't use animal testing for any of our products. Except sometimes Joel gets a little nervous when he sees a Yorkshire Terrier without a leash and will on occasion throw a bottle at the dog in a panic. There have been no ill effects shown to the animal when Joel does this because he usually misses.
I love you guys!! I have a _________ trumpet from 1742. What kind of oil do I need?
Original is probably best for most folks. But for those of you who play horns with very close valve tolerances, Faster may be the one.